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03 January 2013 @ 12:24 am
ミツル 03: 新年おめでとうございます!   
Making this one public because I haven't written an essay in ages XD this isn't really an essay but most of it is like copy-pasted from my singular FB status message on New Year.




2012. It has certainly been one of the most stressful years for me, to the extent that my health has been affected and that I was diagnosed with at least three conditions (thankfully, not life-threatening). My social and RL life haven't moved an inch but I'm thankful that despite my introversion, my online life has expanded and I got to meet a lot of awesome friends from around the world - friends bound by a single love for four people (NEWS), friends who I can confide everything OL and RL to and are there despite the physical absence.

2012 was certainly a year of struggle - a year where I had to struggle with academics (thesis proposal), with work-related stress (more insensitive brats), and with the everyday question "Am I still going to be alive tomorrow?" as I prayed through every insufferable headache. And after twelve months, I am still here, still standing, extremely grateful and alive. And by "alive", I mean recognizing the fact that I am always facing death everyday, and being fully aware that I can never escape it.

2012 was also a year of frustrations, seeing that I overcame a half of my inevitable burden before I could graduate from grad school and obtain my masters degree. I have managed to push through with my thesis proposal, yet I haven't really made progress with data gathering and writing chapters 2 and 3 of my thesis so that I could finally make it to thesis defense. Come to think of it, it must have really been for the best that I didn't push through with my ambition to graduate this March, as I was struggling with work and academics and my health, as I've previously discussed, hasn't really been at its peak. God really is good.

As for future plans - plans which I fully intend to put into action in 2013 - I definitely will try hard and graduate this October, and for that I will have to make sure I will be done with thesis defense during June-August. After which I will or might try my hand at getting a teacher's license. It's such a pain that I have to get a PRC license even though I have been teaching for four years now, and by that time I will have a master's degree (which is equivalent to a college teacher's license, if ever there was one). I partly blame the K12 shift but it's inevitable, and besides, getting a PRC teacher's license might help my credentials if ever I do plan to work in Japan as a teacher... or anything that has something to do with education.

Speaking of Japan, I have my passport ready last year and I researched on ways on the visa process, and I have to say it is tremendous and difficult. For one, my savings is nowhere near 100,000 pesos (roughly equivalent to 2000 USD), and to add to that I have to think of airfare costs and concert tickets - if ever I plan to go to a NEWS concert for their 10th anniversary. Not to mention there is still the matter of hotel bookings and everyday costs. With my salary sucked dry by my medications it's extremely difficult to make both ends meet, but I will try my best to at least cut down on buy non-essentials (hard as it is to admit but I have to cut down on NEWS stuff as well) and going alone to restaurants just to eat (lol). I still want to meet my online friends and I want this to serve as my motivation for me to be able to go there.

And definitely, definitely I will try to make sense of my life. I'll be nearing a quarter of a century and I have been having these questions in my head about what I really wanted to do and where I really want to go. I still want to be a student, but how can I go around the world and learn when in the first place I cannot live without money and work, and I cannot even make a budget and save enough? How can I go on a scholarship if the country I want to go to have their own restrictions? How can I go abroad when I am even scared to be on my own and be away from my family for too long? How can I stand alone when I fear going out of my comfort zone and make a step out of it?

And love. Well, I have now accepted the fact that I'm forever alone and friendzoned, so no worries there - and besides, if love comes this year it'll be harder to fulfill all my prospective plans. So definitely not yet.

To this day, I may have remained frustrated by my incapacity and inability in various ways, but I shall try my best to overcome these and answer the questions that have been bugging me for the past few months. I'm sure that with all of your help, I can fully come to accept myself - my limitations and my capabilities. I am sincerely grateful to everyone who has helped me in some way to face every day with renewed confidence and gratitude (you know who you are). Happy New Year everyone! Onwards, 2013!
 
 
今ばしょで: home
感じる: gratefulgrateful
聞いている歌: NEWS - Hello
 
 
 
tego♥massu=LOVEkatrinasacay on January 3rd, 2013 09:15 am (UTC)
cessss. goodluck to everything that you plan to do/need to do. i as well are having some struggles, but it's nice to see people like you working hard for it besides the difficulties. :)
hayyy. kahit gusto ko din pumuntang japan, sobrang ang dami talagang dapat isipin. ;___;
take care of your health ces.^^ ♥
ヒマ himitsuru on January 3rd, 2013 04:34 pm (UTC)
It's hard to believe but... ugh, money does make things.possible, and lack of it deters and hinders us. I want to study but tuition fees are expensive, and work requirements are just too strict.

Nantoka naru sa. I pray it'll work out somehow! Thanks for the encouragement. :)